Planning for the Future

Planning for the future

For my future

For a future where happiness remains sustainable.

Like energy that flows from one living thing to the next.

Like a tree that provides oxygen for our careful breaths of life.

But unfortunately, I am failing at this plan for the future

For my future

For a fuure where happiness remains sustainable.

Because the energy I receive is not the energy I release.

I intake the energy of my parents disbelief, careless judgment, and disheartened disappointment.

The energy I obtain is of a plan that turns lonely.

The support that used to stabilize me has turned to dust and the support i have now is shaking.

My plan for happiness will fail, as will I, mentally.

His love will run out on me.

Her presence will leave me.

Every piece of my sanity, disappearing within 365 days.

Planning for the future.

For my future.

For a future where happiness hides in the shadows of a smile.

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Honey (01.04.19)

My sun and moon

You illuminate my world, every darkest crevice is brought to the light.

Like a child in a candy store, you’re my own personal heaven.

Your name is honey on my tongue

I’ve never tasted something so sweet.

Your voice ignites butterflies that flutter in the cage of my ribs.

Your lips leave a trail down my body, your path mark prickles on my skin, following behind your touch.

Your hands move as if they know their destination.

My body an old back road.

Your eyes hold mine, steady.

And our breath becomes one.

Your name is all I can think to say.

You’ve consumed all body, mind, and soul.

Your mind searches me

But for what?

I can feel you pull me closer.

My body burns for your touch.

With you, time stands still.

And I’m reminded why you are my greatest weakness

As your tongue dances across mine

Tasting just like honey.

My sanity

Hes the light to my darkness

When every shadow looms

He stands radiantly.

My insane mind breaks the silence

And his sanity quiets the noise.

My breath holds like he does my hand, unfaultering.

My heart has learned his rhythm and beats to sync with his.

The kind of…

He’s the kind of love that

Electrifies my body when he touches my skin.

The kind of love that

Makes me sick if I know we aren’t okay at night.

The kind of love that

Makes my heart beat faster than a 100 mile run.

The kind of love that understands

Even if I’m illogical.

He’s the kind of strong that

Everyone can see physically.

The kind or strong that

Puts my concerns before his own.

The kind of strong that

Shrugs it off to better himself in the process.

The kind of strong that

Allows his guard down when its him and I.

I’m the kind of love that

When I’m all in, there isn’t another soul in sight.

The kind of love that

Fights for you relentlessly, tirelessly, unfaultering.

The kind of love that

Dreams of what we will be in years to come.

The kind of love that

Falls asleep to the thought of you and wakes up the same way.

I’m the kind of strong that

Apologizes even if I dont always understand.

The kind of strong that

Handles myself, never asking for any help.

The kind or strong that

Wants to make life as enjoyable for us as possible, despite odds.

The kind of strong that

Wakes up every hour to move closer to you so the space between us withers.

We’re the kind of love that

Knows no bounds.

We’re the kind of strong that

Pushes one another to be the best.

We’re the kind of love that

Helps even when we aren’t asked.

We’re the kind of strong that

Overcomes cheap talk.

We’re the kind of love that

People wish they had.

We’re the kind of strong that

Was built to last.

12.22.2018 (12:09AM)

At night I get this feeling close to nausea.

Maybe I didnt drink enough water.

Maybe I moved too quickly.

Maybe I ate too much.

Maybe I’m homesick.

And by home, I mean you.

Yousick.

But not sick OF you.

Sick without you.

Not physically but mentally.

As if my home IS you

And I’m missing its security.

And its not like I lost you in any way.

That would be a whole other sickness I would bare.

But instead you fell asleep

After a phone call that lasted nearly two hours of pure ramblings.

And I’m wide awake, awestruck by you.

600 miles away and in love with every bit of us.

I should be dreaming but

You make my life a dream already.

And sure we have our tiffs.

But we have never failed to power through.

I love us. I would do anything for us.

And the most reassuring part is that you would too.

Only two days until I’m in your arms again.

Only two days until I’m back home.

You Can’t Live Without Me

You asked me before if I could live without you

To which I responded with, “yes”.

But my heart that beats inside my chest, beats for you.

And I know you think you could live without me too, I asked, you’re 100% sure that you knew.

But the truth is, you would be okay for only a moment or two.

But the search for me in every woman you meet would drive you crazy.

And it’s simply because you will never find someone who adores you so strongly in spite of every mistake, every flaw, every argument.

You will never find someone who recognizes her own faults and thanks you for loving her in spite of herself.

Or fights with kisses instead of words or punches.

You will never find someone who will defend you until she cannot stand, cannot speak anymore, and then some.

You will never find me in any other woman you encounter in your lifetime.

So yes you could live without me.

But now that you’ve met me, living a life without me would be the hardest thing you would do for as long as you live.

2018

I woke up from a dream.

I’m all hazy.

I woke up from a dream.

It was crazy.

Where the sun had an expiration date.

And the air we breathe was about to dissipate.

And the freedom we were once guaranteed

Was now ripped bloody from our hands,

No longer pristine.

The little girls grow up without fathers.

The little boys grow up to protect their mothers.

America invites: “Welcome to the bubble”

But you’ll be shot if you so much as mumble.

And the invitation is only to the rich.

If you’re in need of our shelter:

“To hell with it”.

The water has turned black from our “fearless leaders”

Cowarding in the shadows from the intellectuals who are ready to summon their personal grim reapers.

Protests.

Fires.

Earthquakes.

Desires.

Hurricanes.

Flooding.

Extinction.

Please hurry.

The land is filled with trash.

And I’m not just talking about politics.

“Reduce, Reuse, Recycle”

will be remembered in history books

Rather than a motto to live by.

Babies are dying.

Mothers keep crying.

Husbands stay cheating.

Wives continue smiling.

Car accidents.

Rare Illnesses.

Freak incidents.

Upsetting circumstances.

Taking lives left and right.

When did life become so uptight?

The world is falling apart.

People continue to hide in the dark.

Like mice, they flea when the lights turn on.

But no one says a word.

Because time is almost up.

I woke up from a dream.

But this dream was just a recap of 2018.